Radical Acceptance

At what point in a marriage does either person stop caring? At what point does the woman or man decide to "let go" of her or himself and one morning come to find themselves with a double chin, belly bulge, and cellulited butt cheeks? At what point does the woman just stop caring about putting on makeup in the morning and looking pretty for her hubby like she once used to when they were dating? At what point does the competition to please each other stop? No more spontaneous dates, no more flowers, no more long talks followed by passionate kisses.
As I start to think of these questions, I am very scared of this happening. Have I already let myself go? I know at times my double chin appears, my tummy pokes out, and my bum looks like there was a hail storm. Maybe that's a little dramatic, but my fear is there. Have I stopped trying? Do I have an anxious concern for the well-being of my hubby everyday? Some days I feel like there is a volcano in my tummy just waiting to erupt. The slightest move of the tectonic plates inside me could set me off and like a manic bi-polar I just go-go-go until I hit a wall.
Tonight was one of those nights when my brain would not stop circling. Staring blankly into space, I caught my eyes captured in a zone that I often forget exists. Bystanders stretched and ran around me as I sulked in my aura. And here is a picture of my thoughts:

Two circles intersecting just like this. And because of my lack of artistic abilities, please imagine the word "Me" in the circle on the left, the word "You" in the circle on the right, and the word "Us" in between the area that the two circles share. Tonight I was reminded as I stared off into space how marriage is like this illustration.
There is me-time, him-time, and us-time. There needs to be a balance between independence and dependence. Not only do we need to feel like each other is needed in the relationship, we both need time apart to grow as individuals. For example, I need Daveed to provide for the family as I have learned fathers and husbands ought to. I need Daveed to tell me I'm beautiful. I need Daveed to scratch my back. I need Daveed to fix things around the house. On the flip side, I'm guessing that Daveed needs me to also provide for the family. He needs me to cook dinner. He needs me to compliment him and give him attention. This is "us-time." This is us showing our dependence on one another.
The part I am struggling with tonight is me-time and him-time. Tonight I desperately needed a running buddy. I asked Daveed earlier this morning if he would be mine later tonight. However, it did not turn out like my mind wanted it to. What happened to his desire to run with me when we were dating? He used to always run with me when we were dating, why not as much anymore? Was he only doing that to get my attention and to court me and now that he's got me he doesn't have to run with me anymore?
One thing I do in my job is teaching my clients emotion regulation skills. (Side note: some days I feel like I need these skills more than my clients). One of the skills we emphasize is "Radical Acceptance." This skill is all about focusing on what you can control and letting go of what you can't. It's taking a situation that may not be the way you want it and saying, "It is what it is," and dealing with it appropriately. Although the volcano in my tummy wanted to spit out lava tonight, I decided a more appropriate response would be to stare off in space and remind myself of this marriage illustration. Neither one of us is "letting go." (I had to take a deep breath and realize that). Tonight I had to radically accept that Daveed does still care about me, but that he just needed "him-time" and I had to adjust appropriately. It was a sad epiphany, but much needed. I'm sure there will be us-time to run another day.